Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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