I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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