Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize