Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I am one with the molecules
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
