Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
