dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
