she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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