Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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