I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
