you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
