I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
