mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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