After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
This couple is walking their pig around campus
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
