he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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