Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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