If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i drank out of a bidet.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
