do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
