my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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