Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
