i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
