so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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