Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
