Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
tell me about the eggs
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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