I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
