My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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