So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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