Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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