I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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