Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
