It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
