dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
