Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
