from now on my penis is your penis
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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