Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
