She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
