my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize