I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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