I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
