3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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