nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
