I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
