so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
