We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
