Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
