I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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