i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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