"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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