I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
