their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm too high and old for this...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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