that's an acceptable place to lick
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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