I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
