Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
