if you like me you must not know who I am
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
