yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Operation Purity has been aborted
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Randomize
