fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
