She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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