direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
i think my cat just said my name.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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