I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
