So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
