I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
