I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
