just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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