It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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