This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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