I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just want to make out with him forever
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
