Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
