Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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