I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
