I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
How does it feel to date your dad?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
