I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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