My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
