Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
