Your dad touched me again.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
