Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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