Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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