every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
