a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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